Preface: Where am I coming from?

• What’s my background? From what perspective am I writing?

• How do I feel about the church? How do I feel about my son’s decision to leave it?

• What do I hope to achieve in writing this book?

• Is it bad to recognize there is human error in the church?

In 2013, a 14-year-old teen (who has since given me permission to share this story) came into my office at church to speak with me about something personal. I was serving at the time as their branch president (the volunteer leader of a congregation in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- day Saints). I had no idea when they came in that this meeting would be one of the most pivotal experiences in my life. They were having feelings toward members of the same sex that they had a hard time finding words to describe. I listened without knowing what to say. I ended up simply telling them they were loved by God and that I would like to meet with them again to talk further.

That bought me some time. And I used it to investigate what I had never taken much time to explore before: gay sexual orientation. I spent many hours researching everything I could about what the church, science, and other professionals were teaching on the subject. What I learned opened my mind, changed my heart, and prepared me to embark on a journey I never would have guessed before would turn out to be mine. I eventually became committed to helping that teen and others in their situation in any way I could.

By way of a little personal background, I grew up near Salt Lake City, Utah. Like many other people raised in Utah, I have been an active and committed participant in the faith and religious practices taught by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints my whole life. My ancestors on both sides of my family tree were pioneers who crossed the American plains and helped establish the state of Utah. My great-great-great grandfather even did so while blind – for real: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2004/10/where-do-i-make-my-stand . I have always felt support from my family, and a sense of obligation to my ancestors, to be a good person and stay active in my church. (In case you’re curious, I am just a run-of-the-mill “Smith” – no family relation to Joseph Smith at all.) 

Before college, I dedicated two years of my life to serving a full-time mission for the church. I have had the privilege of serving in many leadership positions in the church, including as the volunteer leader of our local congregation (first as a branch president and later as a bishop) and in a position of regional church leadership as well (as a counselor in a stake presidency). Now, I don’t share all that to boast. In fact, it annoys me when people in the church talk about pioneer ancestry or any church assignment (which we refer to as “callings”) as badges of honor or a “resume” of sorts. I don’t think those things make someone any more special than others. Rather, I share those facts simply to help explain how much the church is a part of my heritage and my life. 

I met and married my wife, Cheryl, while attending Brigham Young University (BYU) in Provo, Utah in 1997. Our son, Weston, was born in 1999, the year before Cheryl and I each received our undergraduate degrees together from BYU in 2000. We then moved to Ontario, Canada (where Cheryl grew up) so I could attend law school at the University of Toronto. While in law school, I was accepted to join a large law firm in Boston practicing corporate law. So we moved to Massachusetts when I graduated in 2003. At that point we had added two more kids to our family: Owen (born in 2001) and Laurel (born in 2003). We felt good about moving to Massachusetts even though we didn’t know anyone living here at the time. I have had some unusual health issues that we don’t think could have been resolved in any other place than Boston’s amazing healthcare environment, so we are grateful we felt drawn here. 

And we’re also grateful for the unique experiences we’ve had in the church while living here. While we’ve lived in the very same house in southeastern Massachusetts ever since moving here in 2003, we’ve actually been a part of two different congregations (congregations in our church are determined by geographical boundaries – you attend church wherever the boundaries dictate). Our congregation changed because, after some growth in the church in our area, a new congregation was formed in 2008 through the realignment of several geographical boundaries of surrounding congregations in our region. By that point we had added a caboose to our family - our daughter, Karissa (born in 2007). When the boundary change happened, we became a part of a congregation that started as a branch (which is a name for a smaller-sized congregation) and grew to become a ward (which is the name for a regular-sized congregation) in 2014. All of us in the new congregation attended church in a local high school building for the first year (from 2008-2009), and then in a rented storefront property for 8 years, until our own standalone chapel was built in 2017. 

It has been very rewarding for us to experience the growth of the church while living here. But the thing we love about the church the most in our area is the people. We found amazing friends in the church almost instantly upon moving here. We like to call them our “fr-amily” since we don’t have any family living near us and we rely on each other, and love each other, so much. 

And even though both Cheryl’s and my parents and siblings live far away (near Toronto and Salt Lake City, respectively), we feel close to them and have always appreciated the love and support they have provided us. We couldn’t have asked for better families. 

My love for the church extends beyond its people and the experiences I have had in it. I also love the divine truths that the church teaches. Those teachings have brought me great joy and a sense of purpose and peace. I could write several books, let alone a book like this, about all the positive, wonderful ways the church has blessed my life. 

However, that’s not what this book will focus on – because, in addition to being an active member of the church, I am also a “Dragon Dad,” which is a colloquial name given to any father of an LGBTQ child who strongly supports them (the motherly equivalent is a “Mama Dragon,” which I believe is derived from “Mama Bear” but is specific to mothers of LGBTQ children. Mama Dragons is an organization that was formed many years ago; Dragon Dads was formed afterwards). 

Our oldest son, Weston, is gay and has decided to step away from the church because he feels that God’s path for him lies in seeking a husband – so he can have the best chance possible for a long-term, stable marriage and family of his own someday (see “How should I feel about my son leaving the church?” in Chapter 9 for further explanation of the process Wes went through to receive personal revelation that he should step away the church). Cheryl and I wholeheartedly support him in that decision because we know it is best for his mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being as a gay man. (More about how we came to that decision later.) And, at the same time, I am committed to remaining an active member of the church myself. 

For any church members who can’t understand why I am supportive of my son’s decision to try to find a husband, please consider the following baseline factors of my thinking, each of which will be explored in more depth in other places in this book. 

1. The church now teaches that people do not choose to be attracted to someone of their same sex: “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believes that the experience of same-sex attraction is a complex reality for many people. The attraction itself is not a sin, but acting on it is. Even though individuals do not choose to have such attractions, they do choose how to respond to them.” (M. Russell Ballard, Apostle, “Church Leaders,” https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/topics/gay/ , 2015) 

2. Science has a better understanding of why people are born gay. For a quick primer on the science, you can listen to this excellent lecture given in 2010 by BYU microbiology professor (and former mission president) Dr. William Bradshaw: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8IHw9DVI3hE (the whole lecture is great, but, if you’re rushed for time, you can skip to about the 30-minute mark and listen for 20 minutes to learn about how epigenetics influences sexual orientation). See Chapter 3 for more about the science. 

3. Sexual orientation cannot be changed. Even church leaders have acknowledged this fact: “I must say, this son’s sexual orientation did not somehow miraculously change–no one assumed it would (Jeffrey R. Holland, Apostle, 2015: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2015/10/behold-thy-mother ). When someone who previously identified as gay says they are now straight, I think that’s most often just indicative of their true orientation really being bisexual. My son knows he is gay, not bisexual. 

4. The church’s teachings, policies and doctrines are fluid and often do change (as I’ll describe at length throughout this book). 

5. Social science evidence indicates that it is risky, from a mental health perspective, for anyone to marry someone to whom they’re not attracted, or to proactively suppress the biologically wired mating desire for their entire life. The church teaches straight Latter-day Saint singles to always maintain hope for marriage, not proactively abandon it. That distinction is important from a mental health perspective because it can mean that straight singles feel like they just have to wait for a spouse. But gay singles in the church tend to feel that a core part of them was created as a mistake that will need to be fixed after this life. I have personally observed that severe mental health damage can be caused by the church’s teaching that the only “righteous” paths available for LGBTQ people are marrying someone of the opposite sex or intentional lifelong celibacy. 

Side note: This is consistent with a peer-reviewed 2017 study conducted by Brian Simmons at the University of Georgia on LGBTQ Latter-day Saints, which showed that over 73% of the participants reported trauma and multiple PTSD symptoms (89% reported at least one PTSD symptom) from repeated exposure to basic teachings of the church concerning sexuality, gender, marriage, and family. This stands in contrast to a baseline of 8% experiencing trauma / PTSD from those teachings. Trauma / PTSD was not self-diagnosed but shown through clinical methods derived from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder. The majority of respondents identified as active members with 31% holding current temple recommends. (https://getd.libs.uga.edu/pdfs/simmons_brian_w_201712_phd.pdf ; http://mormonsbuildingbridges.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/20190928-U-of-U-MBB-Presentation-SIMMONS-FINAL.pptx ). 

Also, a peer-reviewed 2020 study conducted by James McGraw at Bowling Green State University (BGSU) and his colleagues found that lesbian, gay and bisexual (LGB) Utahns are over 4.5 times more likely to have recently thought about suicide/self-harm and nearly 10 times as likely to have attempted suicide in their lifetimes, when compared to heterosexual Utahns. What’s even more alarming is that the rates of suicidal thinking and suicide attempts among LGB Utahns was around three times higher than the rates among LGB non-Utahns living in the U.S., Canada and Europe. The rates of suicidal thinking and suicide attempts among heterosexuals in and out of Utah was not found to be nearly as divergent (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zNs8K5nNPw4SQxPch0uc_PFH0f0Q3kIq/view?usp=drivesdk ; https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13811118.2020.1806159 ).

Some people have postulated that Utah’s high altitude is a contributing factor to the high suicide rate among LGBTQ people. But I think the fact that the rates for straight folks in and out of Utah were not as different as the rates for LGB folks in and out of Utah suggests that Utah’s high altitude is not the primary reason LGB Utahns are so much more prone to suicide. It’s important to note that the BGSU study does not propose a reason for its findings or address the influence of religious beliefs at all. But I think when its findings are read in conjunction with those of the above-referenced study from the University of Georgia regarding the traumatic effects of some church teachings on LGBTQ Latter-day Saints, it’s not difficult to identify a distinguishing factor about Utah that could be making it harder for LGB people who live there to avoid suicidal thoughts.

The following statistics also underscore how important it is for families and friends of LGBTQ youth to see their role as being supportive and accepting, not prescriptive and condemning: 

a) LGBTQ youth have a much higher suicide rate than the general population (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_among_LGBT_youth ).

b) LGB youth who come from highly rejecting families are 8.4 times as likely to have attempted suicide as LGB peers who reported no or low levels of family rejection, 5.9 times more likely to report high levels of depression, 3.4 times more likely to use illegal drugs, and 3.4 times more likely to report having engaged in unprotected sex. (Pediatrics January 2009, VOLUME 123 / ISSUE 1).

c) LGBTQ youth who experienced someone trying to convince them to change their orientation were 2.5 times more likely to attempt suicide. (The Trevor Project National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health 2019). d) Families who accept LGBT family members reduce suicide rates of those LGBT family members by 50%. (Journal of Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Nursing 23(4):205-13 · November 2010).

e) An LGBT youth who has just one accepting adult in their life reduces suicide rates by 40% for the LGBT youth. (The Trevor Project National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health 2019).

Instead of writing about the happiness I feel in the church, I’m writing this book for some clearly different reasons. First, as the father of a gay son, I want to explain, and so hopefully do something productive with, the pain I feel from the church’s teachings about gay sexual orientation. Rather than continue to let my hurt fester inside unexpressed, I’m trying to help increase understanding about why the church’s position causes intense emotional turmoil for so many people. I want to try to be a voice for many people like me who are suffering. I’m not doing this because I care about what people think of me necessarily, but rather, because I honestly believe there are a significant number of church members who just don’t understand (or who don’t want to understand) why LGBTQ issues are such a “big deal.” 

The second reason I’m writing this book: I want to explore whether the church’s current position on gay sexual behavior is more reflective of human prejudice than it is divine truth. In doing so, I want to acknowledge that only our topmost church leaders, our prophets and apostles, can determine what the church’s teachings and practices should be. I don’t have that authority. And who knows? Maybe, consistent with the agency God has given us, the church’s current position against marriage equality in our doctrine simply reflects God’s willingness to let us figure out for ourselves how to love and accept our LGBTQ siblings without prejudice. I wonder if there are lessons to be learned about love and the gospel that we can’t learn in any other way than just figuring things out for ourselves as a church. So I’m inclined to assume the prophet won’t receive a new revelation for doctrinal marriage equality until most church members feel ashamed about the ways the church treats LGBTQ people differently than cisgender straight individuals. Perhaps at that point the prophet will be desperate for change and so, as he asks with “real intent” (Moroni 10:4), the revelation will come. In any event, I think it’s good for all of us to be open-minded to whatever sort of revelation might be received in the future. 

The third reason I’m writing this book is because I want to try to make amends for any harm I caused in the past as a leader in the church. While I tried to teach about LGBTQ issues in a loving way in my church leadership roles, I regret not doing more to try to alleviate the pain that our LGBTQ siblings feel from the teachings of the church. I am sorry for the times I taught notions that I now know cause psychological harm to LGBTQ individuals. I am sorry I didn’t speak up more in meetings to challenge hurtful ways of thinking. I am sorry I didn’t express more love to the gay man (who has since gratefully accepted my apology) who was the subject of a disciplinary council in which I participated as a high councilor. I am sorry I didn’t do more to remove any sense of self-doubt and despair from the hearts of the gay and lesbian individuals with whom I counseled as a bishop, many of whom were wondering if they should someday leave the church so they could have the opportunity to find a spouse to whom they were naturally and authentically attracted. I expressed understanding, sympathy, and unconditional love no matter what path they chose – but I felt that, because I was a bishop, I had to always strongly encourage them to stay in the church. 

It wasn’t until Wes struggled for years to decide what path he should follow that I realized the harm I caused previously. I should have communicated to those ward members the same thing I needed to tell my own son to help him stay mentally healthy: that his decision to find a spouse did not have to be a choice that God only “tolerated.” Rather, since he felt God pushing him in that direction, that decision to seek a partner could be viewed as one that God actually preferred and knew was best for him. I was able to tell Wes that I could see how his decision, based on personal revelation, to leave the church could actually be what God wanted – but I didn’t ever say that to any other individuals with whom I had previously counseled as a bishop. I’m hoping that writing and sharing this book can help me repent of that “sin of omission” by making it more clear that I honor both paths as ones God could inspire. It all depends on the personal revelation an individual receives (see Chapter 9 for a related insight from the scriptures about Solomon). 

I need to do more to end the stigma that often follows LGBTQ individuals if they choose to leave the church. Now, I know I don’t have the authority to say what church doctrine should be, but I feel like part of my making amends includes being more open about how I personally feel now, and apologizing for not being more open and honest before.

That’s one reason why “crossroads” is used in the title of this book. Writing and sharing this book represents a crossroads for me in my life. Going public like this with my personal thoughts is something I hope helps provide healing for at least one LGBTQ individual who may have had a bad experience with a church leader before. I hope they read my apology here and feel hope that hearts can change as mine did. 

I also hope this book can be a crossroads of sorts for straight church members who aren’t too familiar with LGBTQ issues. I hope my thoughts serve as a touchpoint for them to learn enough so that they decide to be more loving toward our LGBTQ siblings. I sincerely hope the information, resources, and opinions shared here might serve as a crossroads for at least one more person to commit to becoming an LGBTQ ally. 

And finally, the main reason to use the word “crossroads” for this project is because this book will explore the intersection between Latter-day Saint doctrine on gay sexual behavior, on the one hand, and the basic human dignity of (and compassion toward) LGBTQ people, on the other hand. A similar crossroads exists between personal well-being and doctrines on gender identity. 

I will not spend much time discussing transgender doctrinal issues in this book as I don’t have much personal experience with transgender church members. While the injustices our lesbian, gay and bisexual sisters and brothers face in the church are different from those faced by our transgender siblings, I believe that if the church’s doctrine changes to permit same-sex couples to marry and still maintain full church privileges, then changes in our doctrines that cause harm to transgender church members will likely occur at or around the same time as well. 

Until all such changes happen, the juncture between church doctrine and personal well-being will remain one that is fraught with tension that can cause intense pain for anyone in the church who is LGBTQ or who has a loved one who is LGBTQ. It forces difficult decisions to be made. So I think we all should take time to explore whether the crosses we see many of our LGBTQ siblings bearing on their roads in life are foisted upon them by the church, not by God. 

I hope no fellow church members feel like I am attacking the church or its leaders by asking whether our doctrine opposing marriage equality comes from God. To the contrary, I love the church and am grateful for our leaders’ efforts to do what they feel is best for the church as a whole. But also I don’t think we should view anyone as an enemy to the church simply because they recognize that it’s possible for human frailty to be reflected in church teachings. Multiple prophets in the Book of Mormon acknowledged that their writings could contain both the word of God and their own human mistakes: 

• Book of Mormon Title Page (by Moroni) – “And now, if there are faults they are the mistakes of men; wherefore, condemn not the things of God, that ye may be found spotless at the judgment-seat of Christ.” 

• 1 Nephi 19:6 (by Nephi) – “Nevertheless, I do not write anything upon plates save it be that I think it be sacred. And now, if I do err, even did they err of old; not that I would excuse myself because of other men, but because of the weakness which is in me, according to the flesh, I would excuse myself.” 

• Mormon 8:12, 17 (by Moroni) – “And whoso receiveth this record, and shall not condemn it because of the imperfections which are in it... And if there be faults they be the faults of a man.” 

• Ether 12:23-25 (by Moroni) – “And I said unto him: Lord, the Gentiles will mock at these things, because of our weakness in writing...wherefore, when we write we behold our weakness, and stumble because of the placing of our words.” 

Those scriptures teach us that it is okay to believe that even canonized scripture can contain human error. If we are willing to believe that, I wonder why so many church members bristle when someone asks whether our modern-day non-canonical church teachings might also contain some human error. The hesitancy to admit that our church leaders can make mistakes in teaching doctrine is especially confusing to me because some of our own apostles living today have taught exactly that. They have admitted that mistakes have been made and that nothing God reveals through humans (including through prophets) is perfect:

“And, to be perfectly frank, there have been times when members or leaders in the Church have simply made mistakes. There may have been things said or done that were not in harmony with our values, principles, or doctrine. I suppose the Church would be perfect only if it were run by perfect beings. God is perfect, and His doctrine is pure. But He works through us—His imperfect children—and imperfect people make mistakes.” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Apostle, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2013/10/come-join-with-us?lang=eng , 2013)

“So be kind regarding human frailty—your own as well as that of those who serve with you in a Church led by volunteer, mortal men and women. Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we. And when you see imperfection, remember that the limitation is not in the divinity of the work. As one gifted writer has suggested, when the infinite fulness is poured forth, it is not the oil’s fault if there is some loss because finite vessels can’t quite contain it all. Those finite vessels include you and me, so be patient and kind and forgiving.” (Jeffrey R. Holland, Apostle, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2013/04/lord-i-believe?lang=eng , 2013)

I don’t condemn the Book of Mormon writers for their mistakes and, similarly, I don’t condemn our modern-day church leaders for any mistakes they have made or might make in the future. I generally like to focus on the vast amount of divine truth that I believe comes from our prophets and apostles, not on their mistakes. But, as the father of a gay son, I wonder whether the pain that’s being caused to our LGBTQ siblings by church teachings on gender, sexuality, marriage, and family is truly necessary. And I think it’s okay for faithful church members to ask if pain-inflicting teachings come from God or man. 

Many faithful church members have asked a similar question about the church’s priesthood/temple ban based on race that ended in 1978. See Chapter 5 for a fuller explanation, but a brief mention here may be useful. In 2013, the church published an essay that denounced certain racist historical teachings from prophets, apostles, and other General Authorities that were spread to justify the ban as being of God. The church’s essay now says: 

“Today, the Church disavows the theories advanced in the past that black skin is a sign of divine disfavor or curse, or that it reflects unrighteous actions in a pre-mortal life; that mixed-race marriages are a sin; or that blacks or people of any other race or ethnicity are inferior in any way to anyone else. Church leaders today unequivocally condemn all racism, past and present, in any form” (https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics-essays/race-and-the-priesthood ).

Brigham Young, Bruce R. McConkie, Mark E. Peterson, and many other General Authority church leaders had taught as truth those very ideas that the church now disavows. So it’s clear that among the many good, inspired things those leaders taught, there were some mistaken, false teachings as well. That leads me to conclude that it’s not a sign of unfaithfulness for church members to ask whether our current church teachings might also include a mix of both inspired truth and human error. 

For example, where did the church’s ban against marriage between two people of the same gender first come from? Is it possible our church inherited a position against marriage equality from uninspired religious teachings of the other faith traditions from which early Latter-day Saints came? Did we get it from Protestant traditions which church leaders have reinforced with non-canonical teachings ever since? Are we now suffering from a hesitancy to abandon past traditions, despite receiving prophetic warnings against believing too strongly in our traditions before?

“There has been great difficulty in getting anything into the heads of this generation . . . Even the Saints are slow to understand. I have tried for a number of years to get the minds of the Saints prepared to receive the things of God, but we frequently see [that] some of them, after suffering all they have for the work of God, will fly to pieces like glass as soon as anything comes that is contrary to their traditions.” (Joseph Smith, Prophet, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/teachings-joseph-smith/chapter-45?lang=eng , 1844) 

If so, it wouldn’t be the first time false traditions resulted in harmful doctrine in the church. The aforementioned church essay suggests that a similar adoption of uninspired external teachings seems to be what happened with the racial priesthood/temple ban. Because of the church’s essay, it is now an orthodox position for Latter-day Saints to assert that there was never any inspired revelation from God saying Black people were inferior because they supposedly descended from Cain or Ham, or that they were ever a cursed race – even though such concepts were widely taught by many General Authorities of the church for decades. Such now-officially-denounced ideas originated from interpretations of the Bible that other Christians in the 1800s and centuries before had maintained. But the church now officially seems to prefer different interpretations of the race-related scriptures that were previously used to justify slavery and inequality. These more modern interpretations are better grounded in historical context and do not promote racism. So I wonder if, similarly, our kids or grandkids will someday see the church allow for an interpretation of the scriptures that seem to discuss gay sexual behavior in ways that might permit monogamous marriage between same-gender partners (see Chapter 5). 

I think the following analysis offers a great example from the Bible of how something can be called “divinely inspired” in official teachings at one time and then be disavowed in official teachings as “unrighteousness” by later generations. Trained theologian and Biblical scholar, Derek Knox, taught this in a podcast discussion in March 2020, titled “Khyreauxnah” at https://beyondtheblockpodcast.com/ . 

“Derek: Do you know about what happened to King David and his choice to do a census of the military powers of Israel? 

James: Uh, talk about it. I might. 

Derek: Okay. So in 2 Samuel chapter 24, it is said that the Lord prompts King David (one of the anointed leaders of God’s people at that time – literally anointed by a prophet of God – and a spiritual leader as well) to census, or to number, the adult men of Israel and Judah – mostly for the purposes of military power. He wanted to brag and see how strong they were. Kind of boast about it - you know, like a “Make Israel Great Again” type of thing. And that was wrong. So what happened was God sent a plague upon Israel and killed 70,000 of the Israelites because of this mistake that David made – because of this arrogant mistake. 

Now, what's interesting is the books of Samuel and Kings are an earlier layer of the tradition. Chronicles was written later as a summary and a compendium of a lot of stuff that happened before at a much later date in the tradition. So we have different layers of the tradition saying different things about this. In 2 Samuel 24, it says that God prompted David to undertake this census. But when you read, 1 Chronicles 21, it says, Satan inspired David to take the census. And people say, “Oh, that’s a contradiction.” And in a sense it is. But what I’m here to say is, look, when later generations tell a story, they’re going to tell it differently. And something that an anointed leader of God thought was from God, later generations can say was from Satan. 

James: Wow. Very interesting. 

Derek: I'm not going to say how this applies to anything going on right now. 

James: I mean, do you have to, though? 

Derek: But I just want you to know that when later generations tell a story... like how we read [the racist teachings of] Brigham Young up to Mark E. Peterson [and we now say those were] not from God. We throw them under the bus – and we should.” 

Looking for ways to find hope for that sort of official shift in perspective to occur again, but in the context of full equality for LGBTQ people in the church, is the main purpose of this book. 

I hope for a future where there are no longer any painful “crossroads” challenges for LGBTQ church members or their loved ones. I hope for a future where LGBTQ people and their supporters in the church no longer feel any friction between love of family and love of God or between basic human dignity and church teachings. 

I hope the reader will remember that I hope for the best for the church. I hope you will remember that I am a lifelong committed member of the church who is just trying to help all our LGBTQ siblings feel truly loved, accepted, and appreciated. I hope you will remember that, rather than intending to hurt the church, I’m simply sincerely wondering if there are reasons to believe that future generations will look back on the way the church has treated its LGBTQ church members as something that was displeasing to God. And I think that’s a good question for all faithful church members to ask. 

“I am not asking that all criticism be silenced. Growth comes of correction. Strength comes of repentance. Wise is the man who can acknowledge mistakes pointed out by others and change his course.” (Gordon B. Hinckley, Apostle, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/new-era/2001/07/words-of-the-prophet-thespirit-of-optimism?lang=eng, 1986)