Hey, leaders, pick a lane - is a trans person a woman or a man?
Also see “Trans 101,” from trans people themselves about Laurie’s journey.
More than once I thought, Uh oh, here it comes, as I read Laurie Lee Hall’s poignant memoir, Dictates of Conscience: From Mormon High Priest to My New Life as a Woman. Much of her book follows what I now recognize as a sadly predictable pattern in LDS LGBTQ memoirs and podcast interviews. While not all stories fit this pattern, many do: “Early I realized I was different. I tried so hard to fit the LDS expectations of being straight (cisgender, heterosexual), until life became unbearable, and I couldn’t do it. I felt God directing me to become my authentic self, just the way my Heavenly Parents created me. I’m seeking peace navigating the intersection in my own way.” For Laurie this meant:
The specter of suicidal ideation and the real possibility I might attempt to end my own life was far too great a risk. . . . It was dehumanizing for anyone to ask me to do so for the comfort of others around me who understood nothing of my struggle.
But there was a part of Laurie’s book I didn’t see coming: Church leaders went after Laurie’s wife in their mixed-orientation marriage. Leaders told Laurie that she couldn’t go to Relief Society because she was born a man. Then they told Marleen, Laurie’s wife of over thirty years, that Marleen had to either divorce or face excommunication because Laurie Lee was a woman, and they were now in a same-sex marriage.
What?
Pick a lane, Church leaders. Is Laurie a woman (who belongs in Relief Society) or a man (in a “regular” family, married to a woman)? In either case, Church leaders put Marleen in an untenable position — divorce or be excommunicated, because of the choices of her spouse, over which she had no control. What? This is not the Jesus I know.
I don’t criticize those church leaders; I like to think that they were doing the best they could in a hard situation, with conflicting instructions. (Read my way of thinking about those conflicts. Spoiler alert: go with love.)
Most striking to me is Laurie’s sense of mission, using her privilege as a former priesthood holder, bishop, stake president, and architect who was involved in the design, construction, or major renovation of no fewer than 73 temples, including Rome, Boston, San Antonio, Boise, Accra, Paris, Panama City, Panama, and Provo City Center (like a phoenix rising from ashes). She has used her privilege to speak out in order to advocate for trans folks, especially youth, coming after her:
I continued attending church to claim my seat on the bus they thought they’d thrown me off. I was claiming my seat for closeted people who wanted to remain LDS. I was claiming my seat for those excluded or driven out for any reason. I was claiming my seat to normalize what it means to be a faithful queer person amid the congregation. Someday, I hoped anyone who wanted a seat on the bus would be welcomed without having to fight for it like I was. I identified with Rosa Parks. I would not give up my seat on the bus.
[Later] Though I had fought for years to keep my seat on the bus, I finally decided that I no longer wanted to be on that bus. It just wasn’t bound for where I wanted to go.
As you read the book and listen carefully to Laurie’s story, I also suggest following Mr. Rogers’ advice: “Look for the helpers.” Some took seriously the instruction that “stake presidents and bishops who are unwilling to address disciplinary matters are subject to being released,” and stayed in line to keep their position. Others, like Bishop Darrell Cotton, knew that Laurie was not welcome to attend Relief Society — an instruction that came from higher up — yet Laurie didn’t feel comfortable as a woman in priesthood meeting. Bishop Cotton “decided the best use of his . . . class time, rather than attending [his] priesthood meeting, was to meet with me under the pavilion behind our church meetinghouse. There we conducted wonderful and insightful gospel discussions by the Spirit, where only two were gathered.” (Indeed, before long, Bishop Cotton was released “because of his passionate support of me.”)
Laurie said, “I remember often and appreciate that I reap where others have sowed.” Laurie, you have sowed abundantly for others behind you as well. I applaud the courage of your journey.
-Marci
“He inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; and he remembereth the heathen; and all are alike unto God, both Jew and Gentile” (2 Nephi 26:33).
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